Imperfection
by Bladam-Shevine
Summary: Kyle was happy, at least, he was happy to have Cartman in his life. He wasn't happy, however with himself. He hated the way he looked. He hated his flabby arms and thunder thighs. The truth was of course, that Kyle wasn't actually fat, he just saw himself that way. His appearance in the mirror only showed him an illusion of himself as a plumpy, overweight, red-headed atrocity.
1. Chapter 1

Eric Theodore Cartman had never been the kind of guy to show that he cared about anything… or anyone for that matter, with the exception of himself. It wasn't a secret that he was a greedy, manipulative bastard who liked to knock others down in order to allow himself to get what he wants. It was definitely worse when he was a child. He was nothing but a spoiled little brat, but now at the age of sixteen, Cartman had changed… A bit. He still mostly thought about himself and his own needs and how things would benefit him in the long run, however the large teenager had also developed feelings for someone other than himself.

The boy he actually _cared_ for was none other than Kyle Broflovski. The boy that he had bullied since they were in preschool. But it wasn't until Cartman had started puberty where his negative thoughts towards the boy began to change. He found himself only ripping on the young Jewish boy to try and hide his true feelings for Kyle. It wasn't long before Kenny found out, and knowing Kenny and his big mouth, spread the word around town. Soon, everyone knew that Cartman was gay (and very few people were surprised). However, they were surprised to find that the red-headed teenager was also gay, and furthermore shared feelings for Cartman.

It was like some sappy love-story. The two teenagers, once arch-rivals were _in love._ But the two boys didn't let it look like an episode of some stupid teen soap opera; instead they continued to throw insults at each other, got in fights and made up with a pleasuring night of sex.

Cartman was happy. He was happy to have someone who cared about him as much as he cared about himself. And Kyle was happy too, at least, he was happy to have Cartman in his life. He wasn't happy, however with himself. He hated the way he looked. He hated his flabby arms, bulging stomach and thunder thighs. The truth was of course, that Kyle wasn't actually fat, he just saw himself that way. His appearance in the mirror only showed him an illusion of himself as a plumpy, overweight, red-headed atrocity.

Of course, no one knew of Kyle's illness. He was good at keeping secrets. He managed to binge and purge without anyone knowing. Not his mother, his father, Ike, Stan, Kenny or even Cartman. His worst fear was Cartman finding out. His parents, he could handle. Stan and Kenny would also understand… But, Cartman, he wouldn't understand. He wouldn't want to be with Kyle anymore, he wouldn't want to make love to a freak.

And nothing prepared Kyle for the day that Cartman would eventually find out.

It was a crisp October night when the four boys gathered together at Cartman's house to mess around and play video games. Kyle watched his best friend, Stan from across the room as he prepared to take another toke from the bong in his hand. Stan blinked several times in an attempt to clear the tears that formed as he tried to suppress a coughing fit.

Kyle snuggled into Cartman on the couch next to him, only to be shoved away by the boy whose eyes were fixated on the TV in front of him.

"Don't be such a fag."

Kyle rolled his eyes and pulled away from his boyfriend, disappointed at the lack of affection. Kenny noticed the sad look on the red-head's face.

"You should be nicer to your boyfriend, Cartman."

"I'm nice to him; I just don't feel like being all cuddly right now."

Kyle sighed and turned to watch the TV when he was startled by the sound of the doorbell.

"I'll get it!" Kenny exclaimed excitedly, jumping out of his seat.

It wasn't long before he returned and placed numerous take-out boxes on the coffee table in front of him with the words " _City Wok"_ written in bold black letters.

"Sweet dude!" Stan said as he got up to help himself to some Chinese food.

As the three other boys began to dig in, Kyle just sat there hoping that his friends wouldn't notice his refusal to eat. Unfortunately for Kyle, they noticed.

"Are you going to eat something, dude?"

Kyle shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

He noticed Cartman raise his eyebrows. "You haven't eaten anything today."

"That's not true. I had a big lunch."

Cartman frowned. "No you didn't, Kyle. I've been with you all day."

Kyle's face turned red as he realized that he was caught in a lie. He really didn't want to eat… He _couldn't_ eat. He had been trying so hard to keep up his weight down, and he was doing really well, it just wasn't enough yet. Just a few more pounds and he'd be happy…

It was hard for him to lie to his friends and family. He always had to say "I had a big meal" or "I'm not hungry" and it was true, he wasn't hungry. In fact, the mere thought of food caused waves of nausea to overcome him. But, sometimes he couldn't escape his constant lying, just like the current predicament he found himself in.

"Kyle?"

He looked up to notice all three of the boys were staring at him.

"I-uh-I guess I can have a bite or two."

He reluctantly grabbed a box with some chicken-fried noodles. He slowly chewed the substance and forcefully swallowed, the thought of the food entering his stomach making him feel sick. He continued to try and force some more food into him before he couldn't take it anymore. He looked around the room and noticed that the three other boys weren't paying attention to him. He quickly excused himself out of the room and made his way towards the bathroom down the hall.

Kyle shut the door and turned the sink on so that the running water would drown out the sound of him retching. He kneeled over the edge of the toilet and carefully stuck his index finger towards the back of his throat, triggering his gag reflex and allowing a mass of vomit to flood out of his nearly-empty stomach and into the porcelain bowl in front of him. His throat burned as he realized that the vomit was almost all stomach-acid as he hadn't eaten anything besides the noodles. He continued to puke in an attempt to rid his body of the unnecessary sustenance he had provided himself with.

As he finished up and flushed his embarrassment away, he nearly fainted as he turned around to see an angered-stricken Eric Cartman staring back at him in the bathroom doorway.

"What the fuck?"


	2. Chapter 2

Kyle stared at his boyfriend with wide eyes, embarrassed that he had been caught and also terrified of what the other boy would say. Cartman's eyebrows were furrowed in anger as he stared at Kyle and could only repeat the same sentence again and again.

"What the fuck?"

Kyle gulped as he tried to think of an explanation for his actions. "I-I-uh-I…" He couldn't make out the words that formed in his head. He was caught and could only stare at his boyfriend with the expression of a deer that had been caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle.

"Kyle, what the fuck were you doing?"

Kyle looked down at his feet in shame as he mustered out the first lie he could think of. "I wasn't feeling well…"

"Bullshit. You had your fingers down your throat. You were making yourself throw up. It was no accident."

Kyle felt his eyes fill with tears at the sound of Cartman's angry tone of voice. "I-I'm sorry… I'm just not happy with the way I look…"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You think you're ugly? Fat? You better not say fat because that'll just piss me off seeing that I'm at least 80 pounds heavier than you."

But he was fat. Kyle was fat. He couldn't even look at himself in the mirror without wanting to make himself puke.

"Cartman-I-I am not who I want to be…"

"Fuck you, Kyle." Kyle looked up at his boyfriend, in shock at his words. Why was he angry?

"I can't believe you. I can't believe that you're making yourself puke. That's fucked up, dude. You're not the Kyle I fell in love with."

Kyle felt tears beginning to stream down his pale cheeks. "I'm sorry!"

"Fuck you. We're done. I can't be with someone as sick as you." Cartman stormed off, just as Stan entered the bathroom, trying to see what the two teens were fighting about.

"What's going on? Cartman where are you going?" Stan asked, but Cartman didn't answer and just made his way out the front door.

"Where is he going?" Stan turned to face his best friend, and then noticed the red-headed boy had been crying. Stan frowned. "Kyle, what's wrong?"

Kyle shook his head. "Nothing. It's not important. I'm gonna leave before he comes back." Kyle only took 2 steps out the bathroom door before a wave of dizziness came over him. All the recent events and the lack of food in Kyle's stomach became too overwhelming and Kyle felt his world turning black. He vaguely registered Stan shouting his name before his head made contact with the floor.

Kyle woke up to the sound of both Stan and Kenny's voices.

They sounded worried and Kyle didn't open his eyes, afraid of what they might they say to him.

"He just collapsed?" That was Kenny's voice.

"Yeah, dude, I don't know… He seemed pretty upset and then just went down. Did you get a hold of Cartman yet?"

"No. He turned his phone off. Should we call an ambulance?"

"I don't know… He's still breathing… He just looks super pale.

Kyle decided then that he better show his friends he was awake, not wanting them to call an ambulance and having his parents find out that he fainted. He moaned and opened his eyes to alert his friends that he had woken up.

"Kyle! Are you okay?" Stan was by his side in an instant.

"I'm fine." He said. He noticed that he was lying on the couch in Cartman's living room, a blanket draped over his shivering body.

"Kyle, you just collapsed. You're not fine. What's going on? And why is Cartman so angry?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Kyle, you have to tell us what's going on. You scared the shit out of us." Kenny said, walking towards the couch.

"I'm just not feeling great… It's probably just the flu or something."

"Kyle-"

It was then that Cartman decided to come home, pushing open the front door, and looked in disgust at Kyle.

"Why is he still here?"

"Cartman! Where have you been? Haven't you gotten any of our texts?"

Cartman shook his head.

Kyle rose to a sitting position and threw the blanket off of himself. "I have to leave now." Stan pushed him back down.

"No, you sit. I don't want you passing out again."

"Passing out? What do you mean?" Cartman asked, his angry expression suddenly turning into that of worry.

"It's fine." Kyle repeated, not wanting his boyfriend to find out what had happened.

"It's not fine! Cartman, he just randomly fainted. He was unconscious for about 15 minutes."

Cartman glared at the Jewish boy. "You fucking idiot! See what happens when you starve yourself and then puke up the little bit of nutrients your body has!?"

Stan and Kenny looked at Kyle in confusion. "Starving yourself?"

Kyle felt his face turn red. Seeing that Kyle wasn't going to answer, Cartman huffed and told his friends what the teen had been doing. "This idiot is like a fucking anorexic ballerina or something. He thinks he's fat and then goes and sticks his fingers down his throat to make himself throw up."

Stan's mouth gaped open in shock. "Is that true?"

Kyle nodded his head, in disappointment.

"And I'm fucking disgusted by him."

"Cartman!" Kenny shouted.

"What!?"

"Don't be so rude! Kyle is suffering from an eating disorder- an illness! He can't help it! You should be more sympathetic…"

"I'm not going to be sympathetic to a fucking pussy! In fact, I never want to see him again and I want him out of my house!"

Kyle stood up, upset at his boyfriend's words. His head rushed at the sudden movement and he felt himself grabbing Stan's arm to support himself from falling over. "Fine! I'm fucking leaving, Cartman!" He stormed off and headed out the front door.

"You're a fucking asshole, Cartman." Kenny said, before he and Stan rushed out the door towards their friend.


End file.
